I am his wife.

I am not sure what to say tonight. I am finally home after spending the past few days in Mississippi. I enjoyed my last few days with my husband and am so thankful to have had that time. Leaving him this morning though was incredibly difficult. I thought that I knew what to expect. It isn't as if this is the first time I have sent my love to war knowing I might never see him again. That, of course, isn't something that I dwell on, but it is always there in the back of my mind being studiously ignored. I was wrong. I had no idea that telling him goodbye this time would be infinitely harder than the last time I did it four years ago. Sure I know somewhat what I can expect, but that is all. I am on my own this time. I have a son to raise and a household to maintain. Of course, over the past few years we have learned to love one another more deeply than we did when we were first married. I think more than we realized until now. You hear people talking about feeling like a part of them is missing? I get that. Half of me is God-knows-where right now and it is a devastating and disconcerting sensation. I miss him already and I just said goodbye. I am doing better now, but as I drove up my driveway and put the car in park it hit me. All I could think is "This is it. I am on my own now. No calling him to ask where something is or texting him to say I love him. I can't even hear his voice whenever I want!" I fell apart right there in the car with my two year old clamouring to get out of his car seat that he was thoroughly sick of. I am doing better now after talking to my mother, my sister, and my sister-in-law. I don't know how long I was on the phone all told, but by the time Jacob called to check on me and say goodbye one more time I was able to smile and laugh with him. Mind you I am not just worried about him, just more worried about him, he is my hubby after all. I am also worried about all of the awesome guys I have gotten to know over the past few years. They are wonderful men and I hope that each one of them come home safely. It would be my wish that every single man and woman that leaves comes back safely, but that would be every one's wish and is really just unrealistic.
The poem I have written for this occasion once again falls short. There is no way to truly convey the pride I have in being Jacob's wife. He is my hero and I am so thankful to be a part of his life. I haven't words for how proud I am of who he is and that he chose me to be his wife and the mother of his son. Sure I chose back, but that compliment goes both ways. I love this man so much. Please keep all of these soldiers in your prayers. They will need them all!



I Am His Wife

I am his wife.
The man walking by,
Combat boots and
Patches on his shoulders.

I am his wife.
The man with courage.
The kind of courage
We cannot conceive of.

I am his wife.
The man you don’t see.
He isn't here with me,
He is far from here.

I am his wife.
The man who completes me.
I am the part he left here,
While he is gone.

I am his wife.
The man with so much responsibility.
I keep the home,
So he doesn’t worry for me.

I am his wife.
The man, a soldier.
I am his wife.
There is nothing I’d rather be.
-Constance

One more before I go.

I am going to Mississippi tomorrow with my sweet husband to spend just a little more time with him before he goes to Afghanistan so I will most likely not be posting again until this weekend. I know I haven't been as faithful about posting lately and I will try to get back on track when I get back home. To placate my conscience I am posting one more brand new poem before I go. I am actually very pleased with how this one turned out. I know, it's a miracle!! I really haven't much criticism for this one and that is truly rare for me. I like it.
It is pretty straight forward and requires no real interpretation or special poetic understanding. It is just what is in my heart for the man I am about to say goodbye to for a year. I am happy with this piece even though no words could really describe what I feel for him. He is my love, my friend, my hero, my soul mate. There is no way to do that justice. I hope you all like this as much as I do.


The Wonders of You

Fly me to the end of the universe.
Show me the dark of the sky.
Give me glimpse of sparkling starlight.
Leave me in awe of the wonders there.
Still I will find you the most glorious.

Your eyes so blue the summer sky should cry.
Your skin so smooth and pale,
Like the effervescent moonlight.
I cannot help my wonderment,
That you are here and mine.

I bask in the light of your love.
I bathe in the warmth of your smile.
The obstacles I would overcome for you
Have no description, the distance no miles.
You are the wonder of my universe,
The sight that propels my world.
For you there are not enough words,
To tell, my heart with love whirls!
-Constance

Flesh... are you intrigued?

This is yet another result of my random lines word document and a little musical inspiration as well. It is so late and I can't sleep so this is what happened! I am all giddy and I am having trouble putting together complete coherent sentences. If this sort of rambles on or doesn't make sense then you can attribute that to sleep deprivation and my over abundant excitement! Jacob will be home soon!!! No longer counting days or weeks, but hours! That sounds so nice! Okay, I will quit rambling and just post the poem so you can read it! I don't really have much to say about it. It's pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy!!!


In Flesh

You, your hands,
Long and lean
Fingers reaching for mine
Caress my face.
Slide through my hair.
I dream of your hands.
I wake up they’re not there.

Only empty bed.
Cold sheets there.
A vacant pillow.
Spaces of air.
No fingers in my hair.
Graceful fingers,
Loving caressing hands.

You, I want you.
Long and lean
Body next to mine
Keeping the cold away.
You, holding nightmares at bay.
Love in flesh
Life in skin and bone.
-Constance

Describe the indescribable.

I know it is incredibly cliche to attempt to describe love in any form, especially poetry, but I can't seem to help myself. It is the thing that drives humanity. Love falls right up there with those ever present human motivators like power and greed. It is irresistible and it also human to want to give it a definition, to find a way to put it into a rational slot. There is no way to do this though. Many have tried and all have failed. We may experience love, but we can never truly understand it or make anyone else understand it. We feel it, crave it, and some find it, but we cannot put it into words. There are those who have come close, but there is always something just beyond words. This is my expression of how unfathomable love is. How driving and all-encompassing it can be, how powerful, and how little we understand it despite our desperate attempts to posses and receive it.


Fathomless Love

Love so deep
No one can fathom
The depth, the passion.
The kind of love,
That starts and ends wars.
That kingdoms are built upon.
That kingdoms are razed for.
The love heroes die for.
The love that ordinary people live for.
That drives men to do the impossible.
That drives men to dream of holding stars.
That sonnets are written of.
That songs extol.
That makes a person drunk with joy.
That makes a person weep with sorrow.
That dominates us.
That makes us.
That breaks us.
-Constance

Brand new, on the fly.

I wrote this just a few minutes ago! I am so proud! This started out as two lines saved in a word document I started thanks to my lovely sister-in-law. I have several poems now that have come from this word document that has random lines that pop into my head. I have found this to be a very effective thing for me! (Again... thanks April!)
This started out as just the first two lines and progressed from there. I like how this has turned out and once again I have managed to give it a title. I really just sat down to check my blog and then I was going to get ready to go to town. I have a lot to do today! This came to me that quickly! I really don't have much to say about the content of the poem, it is pretty self-explanatory and I will leave you to decide what it says to you. I hope you enjoy it!

Slavery

We are without control.
We are slaves.
Slaves to time,
To obligation and duty,
To conscience and morality,
To government and policy.

We search within and without.
We rattle our chains,
Looking to break free,
To define our own standards,
To draw our own lines,
To push our own ideals.

We struggle daily for control.
We rail against one another.
Searching for an outlet,
To make ourselves heard,
To prove we are right,
To gain the ears of power.

We are slaves...
To ourselves.
-Constance

Selfish Want

I wrote this today actually and I am so proud of myself. Not the subject of the poem, but myself. The poem itself is going to make me look badly I'm afraid, but then I wouldn't be a very honest person if I were unwilling to show my flaws. This is a rather profound piece on my part really. It says a lot about myself and my own conception of morality, of right and wrong. I enjoy my random moments of self-discovery and introspection. I like epiphanies and it is nice to have one now and again even if they are about myself and not some other problem with society or something more important. I hope all of you enjoy my poem even if it doesn't make complete sense to you.

Selfish Want

I want it all.
I want to eat the whole world.
I want to swallow the oceans,
I want to grind limestone between my teeth.
I want to suck it dry,
I want to take all that is on offer.
I want to consume its abundance,
Until there is nothing left.

I want it all.
I want wealth,
I want power,
I want money,
I want fame.
I want everything I shouldn't
I want it all for all of the wrong reasons.
I want to be the morally blind human.
I want to do what I want;
no consequences.

I want it all.
I want it, but dare not pursue it.
I want to deny my better nature.
I want to abandon morality.
I want to be a social shrew.
I want to abandon all that I am.
I want to do things the easy way.
I want to, but I can’t, I am who I am.
I want to, but I am me
What I want is not who I am.

I want it all.

So sorry!

So sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I have got to get on the ball here! There is really no excuse for not posting every day. I have two books full of this stuff and I have been slacking. While my sister was here last night she was looking through them and found one she liked. I myself am not all that fond of it, but then again, I asked what she liked didn't I?
I wrote this one about six years ago so it is definately different from the poetry that I write now. I like to think that I have gotten better since then and that my style is a little better. I will leave that to all of you and just post it now. I will try to get back on track and post more often, although that may be difficult with the very busy weekend I have ahead of me.

Burning eyes, bleary walls,
Exhausted body, contorted halls.

My mind sings for sleep,
My heart won't miss a beat.

I need to see your face again,
So that I can recieve a healing hand.

All last night I slept not a wink,
I simply lay there and think.

I saw your pleasant masculine face,
gazing at me from a wild blue place.

A breezy, sauntering kentucky sky,
Meeting grass of amber and white.

Wild country with passions unleashed,
Sing-song longing all whistling and pieced.

A dream of you with perfect element,
I stood as a woman with feet in cement.

My heart cried for you so far away,
But I know you will be back today.

The passionate blue, amber, and white,
Will warm me in your eyes light.

I will be revived again from half-sleep,
and nights sleep my soul will keep.
-Constance

Really not my best, but please remeber this was a whopping six years ago. (yes, there is a date on this one.)