A potent truth

A potent truth

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The new blog

I have started the new blog. I have stayed up much later than I should getting it set up and writing my rather lengthy first post. So go and check it out and for those of you who said you would read and follow... get to it! lol! http://denimanddogtags.blogspot.com/
I wrote a brief poem today. I'll also post it while I am here. Since it is officially May 1st I will also try to post an appropriate poem for the day. The day being mine and Jacob's wedding anniversary. I am making no guarantees, but it is a tentative goal. I hope you enjoy both the new blog and the new poem.

Broken and Whole

Broken here I am.
Yet, whole I will be again.
Roam from my side,
Pieces of you still inside.
My moonless night.
It too will end.

Dawn breaking over me,
Sun cresting o'er the trees.
Light spills all around.
Within these thoughts found.
Nothing to do but wait.
Sound, again be safe.

Years we have had.
More will come.
-Constance

Monday, April 27, 2009

Ugly Side

I am not sure if any of you are familiar with a band called Blue October, but they have a great song called "Ugly Side" and it got me thinking. How many of us hide the parts of ourselves that we deem less than pleasant? How often do we put forward all of our preferable qualities and hope no one ever sees the less acceptable personality traits we have. I know that I do and it is a battle to be the person I think I should be. The person I want to be. Most people do want to be better than they are and work in varying degrees to acheive this goal. We, being only human, cannot completely overcome these things though. We would be a little more than human then wouldn't we? So we all have these secret peices of ourselves and we hide them and try to conquer them. I personally don't see anything wrong with this, but I know there are those who think that this is wrong. I can see where they are coming from I guess. It seems like you are lying about who you are if you don't see it the way I do. That is a little less than flattering. Still, I cannot agree. There is nothing deceitful about trying to be a better person and overcoming things that you feel make you less than what you want to be. That is self-improvement if you ask me. It isn't as if repressing parts of you that you don't like is going to hurt anything as long as you deal with having them and accept that they are there. I am in no way encouraging living in denial of things you don't like about yourself. No, accept them and then try to fix it! See, that isn't dishonest. At least, I don't fee like it is. I will leave you to decide how you feel about that for yourself. I got a little carried away there! lol! I hope you enjoy the poem!








This is a video of Blue October performing "Ugly Side." And in case you are wondering, I have no idea what is up with the violinist and the horns on his head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I348b5FUDFQ









The Secret Me


I hope you cannot see
All that is within me.
You know me so well.

I hope you cannot see
My internal hell.

I am so full of things

I want no one to see.
You know me all too well.

How could you not know?
How can you not see me?


I hope you and the world
See only my kindness,
My love, my compassion,

My passion, my artistry.
I wonder what you see?


I hope it is not evident
That my psyche is black; malevolent.

With selfishness, greed.
With hate and dark violence.
Human weakness.


I hope it is not obvious.
My internal perfidy.

My cowardice and fear.
So contradictory to what you see.

I am not really so strong.

I hope to be this woman.

The one I try so hard to be.
How do I continue?
How do I overcome?

The weakness inside of me?

I hope all shall fall

And I will be these things.
Overcoming my failings.

Conquer my malignant mind.
To epitomize my mental goals.


I hope none shall find me
To be the iniquitous creature I am.

The person I see inside.
The one I conceal so well.
I hope I am to you

The person I want to be.
But you know me all too well.


Please see the better parts of me.

Don’t look too far inside.



But I love you!

I’ve let you know me!



-Constance













The Secret Me

I hope you cannot see
All that is within me.
You know me so well.
I hope you cannot see
My internal hell.

I am so full of things
I want no one to see.
You know me all too well.
How could you not know?
How can you not see me?

I hope you and the world
See only my kindness,
My love, my compassion,
My passion, my artistry.
I wonder what you see?

I hope it is not evident
That my psyche is black; malevolent.
With selfishness, greed.
With hate and dark violence.
Human weakness.

I hope it is not obvious.
My internal perfidy.
My cowardice and fear.
So contradictory to what you see.
I am not really so strong.

I hope to be this woman.
The one I try so hard to be.
How do I continue?
How do I overcome?
The weakness inside of me?

I hope all shall fall
And I will be these things.
Overcoming my failings.
Conquer my malignant mind.
To epitomize my mental goals.

I hope none shall find me
To be the iniquitous creature I am.
The person I see inside.
The one I conceal so well.
I hope I am to you
The person I want to be.
But you know me all too well.

Please see the better parts of me.
Don’t look too far inside.
But I love you!
I’ve let you know me!


-Constance

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Strong.

Firstly, to address the issue of an additional blog involving Jacob and this deployment... I have made a poll! Go take it! Your votes will determine whether or not there will be a new blog. I truly want to know if you will read so let me know. If there isn't any interest in it, then there is really no point.
Now on to the poem for today. This one is another product of my brilliant word document. I've had the first two lines in there for a couple of days. I had debated on what direction to go with it for a few days and then decided to just start writing and see where it went. This is where it went and I am really rather pleased. It is a miracle it didn't come out with a more political or social statement attached to it. I was listening to Rage Against the Machine while I wrote this. See? I can't believe it doesn't sound even a little angry. My poetry is usually heavily influenced by what I listen to and what I listen to can be rather varied. I like this poem more than most of my recent ones. Despite the musical influence it came out rather determined and that is exactly how I've felt today. It takes a certain amount of determination to get through a deployment and I have to find mine fairly quickly or I'm afraid I'll be swallowed whole by the loneliness and sadness of it all. This is my determination to cope and move forward laid out for you. Sure there is a sad undertone to it, but what do you expect? The sad will come and go and you will get happy from me from time to time despite all that is going on. Just give me some time! Hope you like it!

Just as Strong

If two are twice as strong,
If a couple are twice as tall,
Then what am I all alone?
Half as strong? Half as tall?

No, I am just as strong.
I am still just as tall.
I am only physically alone.
We are still two. A couple; alone.

Yes, I am lonely.
I sleep without my lover.
I sleep beside my phone.
The warmth of my bed gone.

I will be perfectly fine.
Just wanted you to know.
So what if I cried today or yesterday?
I will be perfectly okay.

I am just as strong as I ever was.
He is worth every sacrifice made.
We are worth every second away.
He’ll come back someday.

No time, no distance can stop our love.
The bombs, the bullets, the enemy may try.
My prayers my lover will hide.
God, my husband shelters to His side.

-Constance

Monday, April 20, 2009

Webcams,potential new blogs, and poetic wackiness.

So I spent today trying to get all of my online communication tools functioning. I now have a webcam set up, yet another instant messenger going, and skype all in the name of staying in touch with my hubby while he is so far away. His internet connection sucked today though so the whole webcam thing didn't work too well, but I could hear his voice and talk to him even if I could only occasionally see him, so that is beyond worth it. Hopefully things will get better. I think I am going to start a separate blog for this sort of thing. There is going to be a lot to tell over the next 12 months or so.
I am also thinking of starting a blog to dedicate solely to other poets that I like. I had been thinking about doing this, but when April made the suggestion I figured it must be a sign and I should get on that. So I have a few things in the works right now and I've got to get them organized. I probably won't start the poetry one until the first of May just because that seems a logical place to start. As for the other Jacob/deployment related one... I don't know. I won't make a definite statement right now.
On to the wackiness that is my poem for today. I don't really know what to say about it. I know in my head what I am trying to convey, but I have no idea how to communicate that to you. It is a little confusing. Even the poem itself is a little confusing. Let me know if you like it though. Even if you don't really get it I would love to know if you at least enjoyed reading it.

Cool Fire; Alive

Glass of wine before me,
Light before my eyes,
Sounds of songs make me high.

The world keeps spinnin' 'round,
My feet still on the ground.
My soul reaches out for you.

It will reach you, though far away.
I will merge mine with yours,
Soothe the emptiness inside.

I will scorch you with my love,
Its intensity more than can be contained.
Its burn hotter than any flame.

My love will soothe the burn,
Bring serenity back to your insides.
It makes us feel so alive.

The burning, the cooling, comfort to find.
I live with that same cooling heat.
It guts my insides, killing, keeping me alive.

There is room for none but this.
Without it I might not exist.
I am keeping us both alive,
You too burn my insides.
-Constance

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I am his wife.

I am not sure what to say tonight. I am finally home after spending the past few days in Mississippi. I enjoyed my last few days with my husband and am so thankful to have had that time. Leaving him this morning though was incredibly difficult. I thought that I knew what to expect. It isn't as if this is the first time I have sent my love to war knowing I might never see him again. That, of course, isn't something that I dwell on, but it is always there in the back of my mind being studiously ignored. I was wrong. I had no idea that telling him goodbye this time would be infinitely harder than the last time I did it four years ago. Sure I know somewhat what I can expect, but that is all. I am on my own this time. I have a son to raise and a household to maintain. Of course, over the past few years we have learned to love one another more deeply than we did when we were first married. I think more than we realized until now. You hear people talking about feeling like a part of them is missing? I get that. Half of me is God-knows-where right now and it is a devastating and disconcerting sensation. I miss him already and I just said goodbye. I am doing better now, but as I drove up my driveway and put the car in park it hit me. All I could think is "This is it. I am on my own now. No calling him to ask where something is or texting him to say I love him. I can't even hear his voice whenever I want!" I fell apart right there in the car with my two year old clamouring to get out of his car seat that he was thoroughly sick of. I am doing better now after talking to my mother, my sister, and my sister-in-law. I don't know how long I was on the phone all told, but by the time Jacob called to check on me and say goodbye one more time I was able to smile and laugh with him. Mind you I am not just worried about him, just more worried about him, he is my hubby after all. I am also worried about all of the awesome guys I have gotten to know over the past few years. They are wonderful men and I hope that each one of them come home safely. It would be my wish that every single man and woman that leaves comes back safely, but that would be every one's wish and is really just unrealistic.
The poem I have written for this occasion once again falls short. There is no way to truly convey the pride I have in being Jacob's wife. He is my hero and I am so thankful to be a part of his life. I haven't words for how proud I am of who he is and that he chose me to be his wife and the mother of his son. Sure I chose back, but that compliment goes both ways. I love this man so much. Please keep all of these soldiers in your prayers. They will need them all!



I Am His Wife

I am his wife.
The man walking by,
Combat boots and
Patches on his shoulders.

I am his wife.
The man with courage.
The kind of courage
We cannot conceive of.

I am his wife.
The man you don’t see.
He isn't here with me,
He is far from here.

I am his wife.
The man who completes me.
I am the part he left here,
While he is gone.

I am his wife.
The man with so much responsibility.
I keep the home,
So he doesn’t worry for me.

I am his wife.
The man, a soldier.
I am his wife.
There is nothing I’d rather be.

-Constance

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

One more before I go.

I am going to Mississippi tomorrow with my sweet husband to spend just a little more time with him before he goes to Afghanistan so I will most likely not be posting again until this weekend. I know I haven't been as faithful about posting lately and I will try to get back on track when I get back home. To placate my conscience I am posting one more brand new poem before I go. I am actually very pleased with how this one turned out. I know, it's a miracle!! I really haven't much criticism for this one and that is truly rare for me. I like it.
It is pretty straight forward and requires no real interpretation or special poetic understanding. It is just what is in my heart for the man I am about to say goodbye to for a year. I am happy with this piece even though no words could really describe what I feel for him. He is my love, my friend, my hero, my soul mate. There is no way to do that justice. I hope you all like this as much as I do.


The Wonders of You

Fly me to the end of the universe.
Show me the dark of the sky.
Give me glimpse of sparkling starlight.
Leave me in awe of the wonders there.
Still I will find you the most glorious.

Your eyes so blue the summer sky should cry.
Your skin so smooth and pale,
Like the effervescent moonlight.
I cannot help my wonderment,
That you are here and mine.

I bask in the light of your love.
I bathe in the warmth of your smile.
The obstacles I would overcome for you
Have no description, the distance no miles.
You are the wonder of my universe,
The sight that propels my world.
For you there are not enough words,
To tell, my heart with love whirls!

-Constance

Friday, April 10, 2009

Flesh... are you intrigued?

This is yet another result of my random lines word document and a little musical inspiration as well. It is so late and I can't sleep so this is what happened! I am all giddy and I am having trouble putting together complete coherent sentences. If this sort of rambles on or doesn't make sense then you can attribute that to sleep deprivation and my over abundant excitement! Jacob will be home soon!!! No longer counting days or weeks, but hours! That sounds so nice! Okay, I will quit rambling and just post the poem so you can read it! I don't really have much to say about it. It's pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy!!!


In Flesh

You, your hands,
Long and lean
Fingers reaching for mine
Caress my face.
Slide through my hair.
I dream of your hands.
I wake up they’re not there.

Only empty bed.
Cold sheets there.
A vacant pillow.
Spaces of air.
No fingers in my hair.
Graceful fingers,
Loving caressing hands.

You, I want you.
Long and lean
Body next to mine
Keeping the cold away.
You, holding nightmares at bay.
Love in flesh
Life in skin and bone.

-Constance

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Describe the indescribable.

I know it is incredibly cliche to attempt to describe love in any form, especially poetry, but I can't seem to help myself. It is the thing that drives humanity. Love falls right up there with those ever present human motivators like power and greed. It is irresistible and it also human to want to give it a definition, to find a way to put it into a rational slot. There is no way to do this though. Many have tried and all have failed. We may experience love, but we can never truly understand it or make anyone else understand it. We feel it, crave it, and some find it, but we cannot put it into words. There are those who have come close, but there is always something just beyond words. This is my expression of how unfathomable love is. How driving and all-encompassing it can be, how powerful, and how little we understand it despite our desperate attempts to posses and receive it.


Fathomless Love

Love so deep
No one can fathom
The depth, the passion.
The kind of love,
That starts and ends wars.
That kingdoms are built upon.
That kingdoms are razed for.
The love heroes die for.
The love that ordinary people live for.
That drives men to do the impossible.
That drives men to dream of holding stars.
That sonnets are written of.
That songs extol.
That makes a person drunk with joy.
That makes a person weep with sorrow.
That dominates us.
That makes us.
That breaks us.

-Constance

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Brand new, on the fly.

I wrote this just a few minutes ago! I am so proud! This started out as two lines saved in a word document I started thanks to my lovely sister-in-law. I have several poems now that have come from this word document that has random lines that pop into my head. I have found this to be a very effective thing for me! (Again... thanks April!)
This started out as just the first two lines and progressed from there. I like how this has turned out and once again I have managed to give it a title. I really just sat down to check my blog and then I was going to get ready to go to town. I have a lot to do today! This came to me that quickly! I really don't have much to say about the content of the poem, it is pretty self-explanatory and I will leave you to decide what it says to you. I hope you enjoy it!

Slavery

We are without control.
We are slaves.
Slaves to time,
To obligation and duty,
To conscience and morality,
To government and policy.

We search within and without.
We rattle our chains,
Looking to break free,
To define our own standards,
To draw our own lines,
To push our own ideals.

We struggle daily for control.
We rail against one another.
Searching for an outlet,
To make ourselves heard,
To prove we are right,
To gain the ears of power.

We are slaves...
To ourselves.
-Constance

Friday, April 3, 2009

Selfish Want

I wrote this today actually and I am so proud of myself. Not the subject of the poem, but myself. The poem itself is going to make me look badly I'm afraid, but then I wouldn't be a very honest person if I were unwilling to show my flaws. This is a rather profound piece on my part really. It says a lot about myself and my own conception of morality, of right and wrong. I enjoy my random moments of self-discovery and introspection. I like epiphanies and it is nice to have one now and again even if they are about myself and not some other problem with society or something more important. I hope all of you enjoy my poem even if it doesn't make complete sense to you.

Selfish Want

I want it all.
I want to eat the whole world.
I want to swallow the oceans,
I want to grind limestone between my teeth.
I want to suck it dry,
I want to take all that is on offer.
I want to consume its abundance,
Until there is nothing left.

I want it all.
I want wealth,
I want power,
I want money,
I want fame.
I want everything I shouldn't
I want it all for all of the wrong reasons.
I want to be the morally blind human.
I want to do what I want;
no consequences.

I want it all.
I want it, but dare not pursue it.
I want to deny my better nature.
I want to abandon morality.
I want to be a social shrew.
I want to abandon all that I am.
I want to do things the easy way.
I want to, but I can’t, I am who I am.
I want to, but I am me
What I want is not who I am.

I want it all.

So sorry!

So sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I have got to get on the ball here! There is really no excuse for not posting every day. I have two books full of this stuff and I have been slacking. While my sister was here last night she was looking through them and found one she liked. I myself am not all that fond of it, but then again, I asked what she liked didn't I?
I wrote this one about six years ago so it is definately different from the poetry that I write now. I like to think that I have gotten better since then and that my style is a little better. I will leave that to all of you and just post it now. I will try to get back on track and post more often, although that may be difficult with the very busy weekend I have ahead of me.

Burning eyes, bleary walls,
Exhausted body, contorted halls.

My mind sings for sleep,
My heart won't miss a beat.

I need to see your face again,
So that I can recieve a healing hand.

All last night I slept not a wink,
I simply lay there and think.

I saw your pleasant masculine face,
gazing at me from a wild blue place.

A breezy, sauntering kentucky sky,
Meeting grass of amber and white.

Wild country with passions unleashed,
Sing-song longing all whistling and pieced.

A dream of you with perfect element,
I stood as a woman with feet in cement.

My heart cried for you so far away,
But I know you will be back today.

The passionate blue, amber, and white,
Will warm me in your eyes light.

I will be revived again from half-sleep,
and nights sleep my soul will keep.
-Constance

Really not my best, but please remeber this was a whopping six years ago. (yes, there is a date on this one.)