A potent truth

A potent truth

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I am his wife.

I am not sure what to say tonight. I am finally home after spending the past few days in Mississippi. I enjoyed my last few days with my husband and am so thankful to have had that time. Leaving him this morning though was incredibly difficult. I thought that I knew what to expect. It isn't as if this is the first time I have sent my love to war knowing I might never see him again. That, of course, isn't something that I dwell on, but it is always there in the back of my mind being studiously ignored. I was wrong. I had no idea that telling him goodbye this time would be infinitely harder than the last time I did it four years ago. Sure I know somewhat what I can expect, but that is all. I am on my own this time. I have a son to raise and a household to maintain. Of course, over the past few years we have learned to love one another more deeply than we did when we were first married. I think more than we realized until now. You hear people talking about feeling like a part of them is missing? I get that. Half of me is God-knows-where right now and it is a devastating and disconcerting sensation. I miss him already and I just said goodbye. I am doing better now, but as I drove up my driveway and put the car in park it hit me. All I could think is "This is it. I am on my own now. No calling him to ask where something is or texting him to say I love him. I can't even hear his voice whenever I want!" I fell apart right there in the car with my two year old clamouring to get out of his car seat that he was thoroughly sick of. I am doing better now after talking to my mother, my sister, and my sister-in-law. I don't know how long I was on the phone all told, but by the time Jacob called to check on me and say goodbye one more time I was able to smile and laugh with him. Mind you I am not just worried about him, just more worried about him, he is my hubby after all. I am also worried about all of the awesome guys I have gotten to know over the past few years. They are wonderful men and I hope that each one of them come home safely. It would be my wish that every single man and woman that leaves comes back safely, but that would be every one's wish and is really just unrealistic.
The poem I have written for this occasion once again falls short. There is no way to truly convey the pride I have in being Jacob's wife. He is my hero and I am so thankful to be a part of his life. I haven't words for how proud I am of who he is and that he chose me to be his wife and the mother of his son. Sure I chose back, but that compliment goes both ways. I love this man so much. Please keep all of these soldiers in your prayers. They will need them all!

I Am His Wife

I am his wife.
The man walking by,
Combat boots and
Patches on his shoulders.

I am his wife.
The man with courage.
The kind of courage
We cannot conceive of.

I am his wife.
The man you don’t see.
He isn't here with me,
He is far from here.

I am his wife.
The man who completes me.
I am the part he left here,
While he is gone.

I am his wife.
The man with so much responsibility.
I keep the home,
So he doesn’t worry for me.

I am his wife.
The man, a soldier.
I am his wife.
There is nothing I’d rather be.



Mandi said...

That is beautiful!!!

Are you on a message board for soldier's wives? If you aren't, you should be, and you should share your poem because I know they would understand exactly how you feel.

I will be happy to help you in any way I can while Jacob is gone. You and Jacob and the other soldiers and their families will most definitely be in my prayers.

Constance said...

I have actually thought about it, the message board thing I mean. I know I should go ahead and do it, I just haven't really had the time lately.
Thanks for your prayers and your offer of help. It is good to know I have so many friends close by who are there for me. I don't think that you know how much that means! It is a very uplifting feeling.

April said...

I love you so much, that was beautifully written Constance!

Constance said...

Thanks! love you tooo!

Vickie said...

*sniff, sniff* Simply lovely, lovely! :-)
I think the message board is a great idea.

Constance said...

I'm glad you like it Vickie! I will get involved on a message board eventually. I've just got to find one that really appeals.